Definitions from a Catholic dictionary

I'm going to bypass an actual "what I've been up to" post, because...well, there is an office/workspace to be cleaned with my name on it. And if I don't clean the space, I can't sew. And I'm so excited about my next projects I literally skipped to the car after purchasing the necessary tools. Fortunately, I could pass the skipping off as "entertaining my daughter" so I didn't look so much like a freak. You know, more than normal.

So, in honor of bypassing a real update, I thought I'd share a little religious humor I found in an old email-

Definitions from a Catholic Dictionary

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows
Bulletin: Your receipt for attending Mass
Hymn: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range
Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync
Holy Water: A liquid whose chemical composition is H2OLY
Incense: Holy smoke!
Jesuits: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams
Jonah: The original "JAWS" story
Justice: When kids have kids of their own
Kyrie: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
Magi: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower
Manger:
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough
Pew: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches
Procession: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and the late parishioners looking for seats
Recessional: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot
Recessional Hymn: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left
Relics: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel and stand without prompt
Ten Commandments: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman
Ushers: the only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew

I need sewing help!

Ok, I'm bringing my request to the masses...maybe you (or someone you know) can answer?

As you know, I have a very basic (but very nice) Kenmore Mini Ultra. And I'm asking it to do a very simple task: sew on knit and jersey fabrics.

My sewing machine does not like it. AT ALL. It skips stitches, eats the fabric, moans like a dying whale...

I have tried every goshdarned combination of solutions to (what seems like) a very simple problem - ball point needles, changing tension, interfacing, synthetic thread...nothing is working.

Can anyone help?

DIY car seat strap covers

My child has a wonderful car seat. Unfortunately, the straps irritate the side of her neck when she falls asleep (especially if she's wearing a tank top or short sleeve shirt). I knew I needed to do something before we spend 6+ hours in the car on Friday.

Now, some brilliant person has already created the concept of the "car seat strap cover," but what fun is buying some when you can make your own?

Here are my instructions on how to Make Your Own Car Seat Strap Covers
I apologize ahead of time for some of the photos...my camera battery died in the middle of production and I had to use my phone for the rest.

You will need:
fabric - I chose a soft "minky" fabric for the outside and a plain ol' boring cotton fabric for the inside.
Velcro
(optional) Batting or some other stuffing-type material (polyfil, cotton, scrap fabric, the neighbor's cat...)

1. Measure your car seat straps above the clip, length and width (IMPORTANT: be sure the clip is in the appropriate place your child wears it. You do not want the cover impeding the proper use of the car seat straps).

My strap width was about 1.75" - I rounded this up to 2" (I call this the "Isabella factor" - gives me room to make a mistake with no real harm to the project) and added an extra inch to accommodate the Velcro.

On the length - I added only a 1/2" to accommodate the seams (no room for error on this one - yipe!)

No, I did not embroider some weird arrow motif on her seat belt. Those arrows indicate where to measure.




2. If your fabric has an obvious directionality (like this godforsaken lovely choice I made), decide which way you want it to lay as a final product. Also, it is a good idea to do test runs on a scrap piece of fabric to figure out the correct tension for this project (if your machine does this automatically...then I hate you).





3. Cut out 2 pieces of the cover fabric and 2 pieces of the underside fabric.

See that pizza cutter-looking thing? That's my new rotary cutter. *swoon*

















4. Pin fabric, right sides together and sew, leaving an opening on one side (for turning).

Who uses a white pin on white fabric? Really...


















5. Clip the corners (it will make the corners less clumpy) and turn your fabric right side out.









Now, onto velcro...

6a. Attach Velcro pieces to each of the long sides (on the underside fabric).

To each his own when it comes to exactly how to attach the Velcro...if you've got a tried and true way to do it, then go for it. I personally did a basting stitch down the middle (red arrow) then went back and stitched around the outside (removing the basting afterward).

Note: I decided to put the Velcro in such a way so when closed it would be more like a clam-shell around the belt and not looped around to the underside of the belt. I didn't want unnecessary bulk under the belt, both for safety and comfort reasons.


Ah, my seam ripper. We have such a love-hate relationship, as you will see later on.










6b. Remember when I told you to do a scrap test for tension? Well, I didn't (do as I say, not as I do). It took three tries and a lot of hand cranking to get that friggin' lovely Velcro attached to the project.

(Behold! The Blur of Frustration!)

(Everyone, this is Betty. Betty - everyone)




6c. Don't get in a fight with your seam ripper. He will always win.



Ow.






7. Originally, I decided against doing any kind of filling because the fabric was plush enough not to need it. However, I thought a thin layer of batting might make things a little more comfy for the slumbering child. So, this part is completely optional - especially if you are using a wonderfully soft, plush fabric for the outside.

Note: I did not secure the batting to the project in any way. Yes, I realize the "afterthought" batting will eventually shift and clump after washing a few times. I can always open it up, replace it, and tack it down in some way. No biggie.
(Eeeew. My nails look gross. Gotta do something about that...)

8. Stitch the openings closed.











9. Hey look...the *grumble, grumble* Velcro works!












10. All done and ready to use!

Tools of the trade

I've been trying to formulate a complete thought about my new purchase, but it keeps coming out like...

OMGI'mflippin'excitedgotnewsewingtoolsWEEEEE!

Translation: Went to the fabric store yesterday. Got a rotary cutter, mat and ruler. It's a relatively inexpensive purchase, but it makes such a difference. Seriously. I don't know why I didn't get one sooner.

Ahhh...I love it.

So, if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm buried under a pile of perfectly cut pieces of fabric (or I've been horribly injured in a drinking-and-quilting accident...which is more plausible).