Definitions from a Catholic dictionary

I'm going to bypass an actual "what I've been up to" post, because...well, there is an office/workspace to be cleaned with my name on it. And if I don't clean the space, I can't sew. And I'm so excited about my next projects I literally skipped to the car after purchasing the necessary tools. Fortunately, I could pass the skipping off as "entertaining my daughter" so I didn't look so much like a freak. You know, more than normal.

So, in honor of bypassing a real update, I thought I'd share a little religious humor I found in an old email-

Definitions from a Catholic Dictionary

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows
Bulletin: Your receipt for attending Mass
Hymn: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range
Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync
Holy Water: A liquid whose chemical composition is H2OLY
Incense: Holy smoke!
Jesuits: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams
Jonah: The original "JAWS" story
Justice: When kids have kids of their own
Kyrie: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
Magi: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower
Manger:
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough
Pew: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches
Procession: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and the late parishioners looking for seats
Recessional: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot
Recessional Hymn: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left
Relics: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel and stand without prompt
Ten Commandments: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman
Ushers: the only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew